An email (since lately I can't manage to write anything else)

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. B!

Are you guys watching American Idol this year?  Any favourites, yet?  I am somewhat addicted.  I was telling R that I only watched documentaries on tv.  Sigh.  American Idol is sort of a documentary, isn't it?

By the way, the button on my third pair of jeans just broke -- the other two have broken zippers.  Now I am beginning to wonder if the problem lies elsewhere than in the manufacturing.  Sigh.  Back to doing sit-ups.

Hmmm....the first two paragraphs of this email don't make me sound too appealing, do they?   Fat and watching tv.  Well, let's see if it improves!

How are you guys?  And how is M?  Is she liking school?  My cat is doing pretty well.

Lately, I sound so stilted in emails...My ex-boyfriend, Englebert E. Dundas, emailed me out of the blue on my birthday, and I considered replying, but my one attempt sounded so formulaic, I abandoned it.  And, I've no desire to be his pen-pal, either.  He lives in Iowa.  He included a photo of his twin babies, saying "they're getting cuter and fatter every day."  As if I'd asked.  I suppose he's curious as to how I'm aging.  Hah!  (I don't know what that "hah" is for, actually.)

Hey, have you guys read Patrick O'Brian, yet?  I'm on my third round.  Gosh, I am so addicted.  I'm planning a Patrick O'Brian pilgrimage in Spain this June.  About 200 miles.

Well, I hope you guys are fine.   Please remember to visit London!!!!

Kellas

Hair shirt

Once upon a time I really wanted to wear a hair shirt, a'la Thomas More. I googled some nunnery that promoted the wearing of hair undershirts and asked them where I could buy one. They emailed back asking me my religion (I was/am an atheist), did I know hair shirts were scratchy (yes, that was the point), and had I really thought this through (no). It just seemed an easy way to be a better person.

They wouldn't tell me where I could buy one, and eventually I threw my giant hair ball away. Now I'm not sure why I thought it a good idea -- I mean, whenever I feel the least bit sick, I turn bitchy. How would a hair shirt make me feel?

What's more, Thomas More hid his hair shirt underneath mounds of red brocade. I would've had to hide it under a sequined tank top. Gads, I can't imagine the comments I'd get in the bars here if I went out in one.

P.S. I'm feeling sick and bitchy right now, in case you're interested.

I have a travel story, too

I was in Berlin walking through the Tiergarten park, when I saw what I thought was a fat, nude sun-bather. I had a new camera attachment for my Palm Pilot and wanted to try it out, so I surreptiously snapped a photo (I wasn't yet used to how people in Berlin love to be nude in public). I downloaded the grainy photo onto my computer and sent it to a coworker as a joke...like, look at the photo of the big fat nude guy in the park! Then I happened to look at it more carefully -- it was of two nude men having sex. It was awful...especially as I had a crush on this coworker. Thankfully, he deleted it without looking at it (upon my urgent request). I'm sure he would have wondered why I was sending him a photo of a gay couple going at it.